Domestic Violence: It Happens Here

Date February 19, 2008

Domestic Violence Hurts Marin
In Marin, everything seems idyllic. We have beautiful homes, picturesque surroundings, lovely spas, and perfect looking families. What strikes against this perfectness is that the number one violent crime in this county is domestic violence.

According to the California Department of Justice, there were a total of 752 calls of Domestic Violence calls for assistance in Marin in 2006. San Rafael got the most at 337, 169 in Novato, 145 in the Unincorporated Areas of Marin, 28 in the Twin Cities, 24 in San Anselmo, 13 each in Fairfax, Mill Valley, and Sausalito, and 8 calls from Tiburon. Since abused often do not report abuse to the police these numbers only tell part of the story.

On a national level anywhere from 2 to 4 million women are beaten by their partners or ex-partners. Over 1400 women are killed by their partner or ex-partner. Domestic violence is the second leading cause of injuries to women 15 to 44 year old.

Fortunately for over 30 years, Marin has had Marin Abused Women’s Services helping families within the county. Every year they serve 5000 women and their families from all socio-economic levels and from every Marin community.

They have hotlines for victims both in English (415) 924-6616 and Spanish (415) 924-3456. Of course, if women are in danger they should first get to a safe place and call 911. Women can call and get help on creating a safety plan to keep themselves and their children safe. To that end they have shelters where women stay on average for 30 days. There is also transitional housing of 20 apartments so women have a way to rebuild their lives away from violence long term. MAWS helps 650 women a year navigate the judicial system from criminal court to family court.

There is also a Men’s hotline for men to get help in stopping the cycle of violence with their partners. MAWS has an extensive program for batterers to learn how to change their behavior and attitudes that lead to violence. That hotline is 415-924-1070. In 2006, 1500 men called this hotline.

Their Mankind Program is an intensive program to teach men how to recognize the male-role-belief system that is the source of the physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. They learn to replace the need for superiority over their partner with equality. The best thing for men to do to begin to stop the violence is to remove themselves from the situation, don’t drink, drive, or do drugs, call the hotline, and attend the First Stage of the Men’s Program. The Mankind Program even goes into the County Jail and San Quentin and has an impressive recidivism rate.

The MAWS mission also includes a huge prevention program to reach to young people as young as middle school to educate them in non-violent relationships. In 1985, MAWS surveyed 1500 high school girls and 1/3 had been sexually abused in their dating relationships.

I am asking you all to give generously to Marin Abused Women’s Services so they can be there for our fellow Marinites escape and reject domestic violence. Marinmaven is also going to be helping raise funds.

I am no stranger to the topic of domestic violence. My mother worked for San Mateo County Children’s Services and I grew up with stories from her. They would bring the children to her as she was so wonderful with children. They would have cigarette burns and bruises and still wonder where their parents where. Every time it would break her heart and mine.

In the late 1980s, I had to sit with a girlfriend of a friend whose adult son had to spend an afternoon under a desk because some guy decided to enter his ex-girlfriend’s workplace and kill her and anyone else who had the misfortune to be in his sight.

It was 1989 when I lived in Boston during the Stuart Case, where a man shot himself and shot and killed his pregnant wife, and then blamed it on two black guys.

The beginning of the 1990s came the Montreal Massacre where a man decided to enter a university and line up all the female students to shoot them. As a result of our outrage we volunteered with the Mid-Peninsula Support Network and went through the 40 hour training session. It was during that training session we had a speaker who was this highly successful AT&T executive who had to have her co-workers and boss let her know that they knew that she was being beat up and told her to get help. It really opened our eyes to the plain fact that domestic violence can victimize any home regardless of socio-economic status — even the six-figure income home that looks so very perfect.

While living in San Francisco I was sitting on my porch one night talking on the phone when I hear blood curdling screams and saw this woman frantic like she was being chased. It turns out her partner was after her with a knife. I called 911 and we stood with her in the middle of the street until the police came. With my training I was able to give her ideas where she could go. Standing there I did feel her terror.

When I attended SFSU, one of the students shot and killed his ex-girlfriend and then himself in the dorms.

Last, but not least, several members of my family have been victims of domestic violence and I can tell you that the effects of the violence do not end when the violence does. This violence effects us all.

So, I tell you that whether the violence happens 1000s of miles away or in your neighborhood know that by supporting Marin Abused Women’s Services you are doing your part to end violence here.

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Category Posted in Living in Marin, causes